"I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little ole bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store.

 

My husband has been in the medical field (Orderly- Bedpan Squad) for over 36 years, and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide, or they would lose

thousands of dollars.

 

1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe ) No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash.

 

2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of peroxide to keep them free of germs.

 

3. Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters.

 

4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria.

 

5. I had fungus on my feet for years - until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry.

 

6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes several times a day.

 

My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine, but was healed by soaking in peroxide.

 

8. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants will.

 

9. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a cold, plugged sinus. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria.

Hold for a few minutes  then blow your nose into tissue.

 

10. If you have a terrible toothache and can not get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.

 

11. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages, but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, faddish, or dirty blonde.

It also lightens gradually so it's not a drastic change.
===================================================================

 From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.

    Q:  What is your date of birth?
    A:  July fifteen.

    Q:  What year?
    A:  Every year.
     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
   ---------------------------------------------------

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.

    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.

    Q: You forget.  Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

    Q:  How long has he lived with you?
    A:  Forty-five years.
 ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A:  He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

    Q:  And why did that upset you?
    A:  My name is Susan.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  And where was the location of the accident?
    A:  Approximately milepost 499.

    Q:  And where is milepost 499?
    A:  Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Sir, what is your IQ?
    A:  Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A:  After the accident?

    Q:  Before the accident.
    A:  Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
    A:  Yes.

    Q:  Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A:  Yes, sir.


    Q:  What did she say?
    A:  What disco am I at?
     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
   ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Did he kill you?
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
  ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  You were there until the time you left, is that true?
   ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  How many times have you committed suicide?
   ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A:  Yes.

    Q:  And what were you doing at that time?
     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  She had three children, right?
    A:  Yes.

    Q:  How many were boys?
    A:  None.


    Q:  Were there any girls?
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A:  Yes.

    Q:  And these stairs, did they go up also?
    --------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A:  I went to Europe, Sir.

    Q:  And you took your new wife?
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  How was your first marriage terminated?
    A:  By death.

    Q:  And by whose death was it terminated?
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Can you describe the individual?
    A:  He was about medium height and had a beard.

    Q:  Was this a male, or a female?
  ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?
    A:  Oral.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A:  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

    Q:  And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A:  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
           autopsy.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A:  No.

    Q:  Did you check for blood pressure?
    A:  No.

    Q:  Did you check for breathing?
    A:  No.

    Q:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
          the autopsy?
    A:  No.

    Q:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    Q:  But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A:  It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
  ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  You were not shot in the fracas?
    A:  No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
===================================================================

Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore under FICTION

 

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement.  When you are done, you will have a place to live.

 

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

 

Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?

A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.

 

Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

 

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not the problem; retrieving it is the problem.

 

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

 

Q: Where do 50+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

 

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Oh, I remember these!"
=======================================================
After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Japanese scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

Six weeks later, American scientists dug 200 meters, after which headline stories in US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year- old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Japanese".

After just one week, Philippine media reported the following: "After digging to a depth of 500 meters, Filipino scientists have found absolutely nothing. Their conclusion is that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology".

Iba ang PINOY!!!
=================================================
                                   Joke Time

A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, "What are
> NITRATES?
> The student replied shyly, "Ma'am, sa motel po.
> NITRATES are higher than day rates!"
> 
> Usapan ng dalawang mayabang...
> Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala
> niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
> Diego: Alam ko.
> Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
> Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.
> 
> WHO'S GUILTY?
> Wife dreaming in the middle of the night
> suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"
> Man gets up, jumps out the window and  realizes,
> "Damn! I am the
> husband!"
>
> Josh: Kumusta ang assignment?
> Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper
> ang ipinasa ko.
> Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano 'yan? Baka isipin
> nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!
>
> Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya
> ni daddy!
> Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
> Toto: Hindi! 'Yan din ang pangarap niya!
> 
> Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
> Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong
> gawin?
> Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
> Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n?
> Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa
> mabuhay!
>
> Lito: Pare, ano ba ang kaibahan ng H2O sa CO2?
> Joseph: Diyos ko naman! Di mo ba alam 'yun?!
> Ang H2O ay water! At
> ang CO2... cold water.
>  
> Gustong malaman ng magkaibigan kung may basketbolan
> sa langit.
> Nagkasundo sila na kung sino ang unang mamatay ay
> babalik upang
> sabihin kung may basketbol sa langit.
> Naunang namatay si Dado.
> Isang gabi, may narinig na boses si Rodel na parang
> kay Dado.
> "Ikaw ba 'yan, Dado?" usisa ni Rodel.
> "Oo naman!" tugon ni Dado.
> "Parang hindi totoo!" bulalas ni Rodel."O,ano, meron
> bang basketbol sa
> langit?"
> Sagot ni Dado, "May maganda at masama akong
> balita sa 'yo. Ang maganda, may basketbol doon. Ang
> masama...
> kasali ka sa makakalaban namin bukas!" (ngek!)
> 
> Usapan ng dalawang bata...
> Junjun: Magaling ang tatay ko! Alam mo, 'yang
> Pacific Ocean , siyaang humukay nun!
> Pedrito: Wala 'yan sa tatay ko! Alam mo ' yungDead
> Sea ?
> Junjun: Oo...
> Pedrito: Siya ang pumatay nun!
>
>
> Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
> Sir: What are my choices?
> Stewardess: Yes or No.
> 
> Misis: Hindi ko na kaya 'to! Araw-araw nalang tayong
> nag-aaway
> Mabuti pa, umalis na ako sa bahay na 'to!
> Mister: Ako rin, sawang-sawa na! Away rito,away
> roon! Mabuti pa
> siguro, sumama na ako sa 'yo!
> 
> Misis: Delayed ako nang one month pero huwag mo
> munang
> ipagsabi.Nahihiya ako...
> Mister: Okey.
> Kinabukasan, dumating ang taga-Meralco. ..
> Taga-Meralco: Misis, delayed po kayo ng onemonth.
> Misis: Ha? Bakit mo alam?
> Taga-Meralco: Nasa record po.
> Mister: Bakit Naka-record diyan na delayed ang misis
> ko?
> Taga-Meralco: Kung gusto ninyong mawala sarecord,
> magbayad kayo!
> Mister: Eh kung ayokong magbayad?
> Taga-Meralco: Puputulan kayo!
> Mister: Eh anong gagamitin ni misis?
> Tag-Meralco: Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila.
> 
> Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa...
> ADVANTAGE: 'Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
> DISADVANTAGE: 'Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan parin!
> 
> What is the difference between a girlfriend,a call
> girl and a wife?
> Sagot: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.
>
> Sa isang classroom...
> Titser: Class, what is ETHICS?
> Pilo: Etiks are smaller than ducks.
> Titser: Okey, that duck will lay an egg in your
> card.
> 
> Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay
> kaming kumain. Ngayong
> mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
> Pedro: Baligtad yata?
> Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!
> 
> Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano
> raw ang propesyon mo.
> Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
> Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
> Itay: 'Yung tagaayos ng radio sa car!
>
> Umuwi si mister nang 4:00 AM at nakita niya
> ang kanyang misis na may
> katalik na lalaki sakama...
> Misis: (sumigaw) SAAN KA GALING?!
> Mister: Sino 'yang katabi mo?
> Misis: GRABE KA! HUWAG MONG IBAHIN ANGUSAPAN!
> 
> Rodrigo: Bakit bad trip ka?
> Harry: Nagtampo sa 'kin ang utol ko.
> Rodrigo: Bakit naman?
> Harry: Nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday niya.
> Rodrigo: 'Yun lang? Anong masama ru'n?
> Harry: Ang masama ru'n... twins kami! Twins! 
===========================================================
This is so funny!!

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly.
In this country we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to
spell 'Mississippi'."
=========================================================================

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX.. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionat ely. You might get hurt but it's the only way live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immed iate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone. 

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. 
==================================================

This is really funny! Be sure to pass it on to friends whose U.S. immigration status is suspect......
Below is the story and experience of "Dan the Bicol Man" when he went to the United States...

Dan the Bicol Man.

Si Dan, taga Bicol:
Dumating si Dan sa Amerika sa tulong ng kanyang Kumpare na may kontak sa immigration sa Pilipinas.

 

Medyo tagilid ang papeles niya
kaya masyado siyang maingat (TNT baga).

 

Ayaw man lang lumabas ng bahay si Dan kung hindi kasama ang kanyang kumpare.
E minsan, nagsawa na ang kanyang kumpare sa kaaalalay sa kanya.  "Pareng Dan," sabi ng kumpareng tinatago ang inis, "Heto ang susi ng kotse at mga credit cards ko. Magshopping ka naman sa Mall para malibang ka."

"Kung may problema ka, tawagan mo ako sa telepono. Papasok na ako sa opisina."
Dahil siguro sa hiya ni Dan, kahit nerbiyos na nerbiyos siya, sinubukan niyang lumabas. Tuwang-tuwa si Dan sa pamamasyal sa mall.

 

Nakapili siya ng mga damit na gusto niya. Ngunit pagdating sa cashier,biglang nataranta at natakot si Dan.
Tanong ng cashier,
"Visa or Master Card?"

Haripas si Dan palabas dahit sa takot! "Aba, hinahanap ang visa ko!?

 

Baka nabisto na ako! Syet!" Sakay kaagad siya sa kanyang kotse. Harurot.
Kaso, halos wala ng gas ang sasakyan kaya huminto siya sa isang gas station. Nang maglalagay na siya ng gas, biglang nagsalita ang cashier sa speaker, "Sir, pay first, please." ina!, alam pa ang pangalan ko!"

Nagulat ang tisoy, "Hey, be cool, man!"

"Naku! Alam pa kung taga saan ako!"

"Is that your green car parked in the red zone?"

Hihimatayin na si Dan! "Hinahanapan pa ako ng green
card"!!!!!
Kaya sa matinding takot, nagpahuli na lang si Dan.

"Naku, patay! Papers daw! Hinahanap ang papers ko!"
Nagtatakbo si Dan sa mga eski-eskinita hanggang makakita siya ng pay phone.
Patago-tago siyang lumapit sa payphone.
"(Hingal) Kailangang matawagan ...  ko si kumpare...para masundo niya ako rito (hingal)."
Pagtaas niya ng handle ng telepono, narinig niya,
"AT&T how can I help you?"
Aba, anak ng putakteh, alam na TNT ako! Buking na ako!"
Pagbaba niya ng telepono, may Amerikanong nakatayo sa likod niya, tanong ba naman, "Are you done?"
Napahandusay si Dan sa phone booth. Biglang bulalas, "Buray kan

 Ngayon si Dan ay nasa Bicol na muli at binansagan na
"Dan Balikbayan."
==================================================================
US VISA APPLICATION

This is a true incident:

A 70 year old 'lolo' from the province was
accompanied by a grandson to the US Embassy in
Manila for his VISA interview.
The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him.

The consul told the young man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States.
"Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?"
the grandson translated.
"Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon."
"He said he wants to see his children there."

Fair enough, that's what the lolo's application indicated.
The consul had another question.
"Ask him why does he have to go there?
Why can't his children just come and visit him here?"
The grandson translated this in Tagalog.

Lolo replied: "Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko. Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas.  Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay."
(Translation: "Tell him, my children were born here. They've seen the Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die.")

The HEARTLESS consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any emotion, that he was rejecting the visa application because the applicant was unable to speak a word of English.

"Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles."

The lolo was equally unimpressed. "Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag na huwag mong papalitan ang sasabihin ko.Putang ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh hindi naman siya marunong mag-Tagalog!"

Translated: "He said- you son of a bitch, how come you are here... you do not know how to speak in Tagalog!"

Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and
approved  lolo's visa application in pronto.

(Taken from The Philippine Star,a newspaper in
the Phil.), written by Boo Chanco)

go LoLo...mabuhay ang pinoy
======================================================

 Subject: FW: It's joke time!  

---

 
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .

Guro: Ano 'to?

Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!

Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?

Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko! 

Alimasag
Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.

Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"

Sabi naman ng saleslady, "Pabango 'yan, hindi alimango!"

Ulit ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"

Nag-agawan si Ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango. Nahulog ang pabango at nabasag.

Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, masag!" 

GMA
Dumalaw si GMA sa mental hospital...

Dok: Let's welcome President Arroyo!

Pumalakpak lahat ng pasyente maliban sa isa na nasa sulok...

GMA: O, dok, bakit 'yung isa, hindi pumalakpak?

Dok: Ma'am, magaling na po siya! 
 
Plantsa
Dok: Anong nangyari sa mga tenga mo?

Joshue: Nagpaplantsa kasi ako nang kumiriring ang telepono. Aksidenteng na-pick up ko 'yung plantsa.

Dok: Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo ang nagkaganyan?

Joshue: Ang gago, tumawag uli! 
 

PALIMOS Pulubi: Boss, palimos po. Tonyo: Iinom ka o magyoyosi? Pulubi: Wala po akong bisyo. Tonyo: Okey. Sumama ka sa akin para malaman ng nanay ko ang nangyayari sa taong walang bisyo

ALITAPTAP Anak: Tatay, hindi ako makatulog, kasi, maraming lamok! Tatay: Papatayin natin ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita. (Pagpatay sa ilaw, dumating ang mga alitaptap... ) Anak: Hala ka, Tatay, nagdala sila ng flashlight!    SIOPAO Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, 'yung babae. Waitress: Babaeng siopao? Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin. Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito. Kulas: Lalaki? Waitress: May itlog po sa loob.

Mrs: dear,totoo ba na habang tumatanda daw lalong gumaganda?
Mr: oo naman
Mrs: sa tingin mo ba gumaganda ako?
Mr: sa tingin ko dear, hindi ka tumatanda!!! 
 
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
Bobo: Anest 
 
Isang binatilyo pumasok sa isang gay bar. Nalaman ng nanay niya at nagalit
Nanay: ano naman ang nakita mo dun na di mo dapat makita?
Binatilyo: si tatang po gumigiling!
 
Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin, chicharon,mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).
 
Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka? P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang nyan?
Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.
 
Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita na utak ko
Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.
 
A naked girl rode on a taxi
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya "Ngayon ka lang
ba nakakita ng hubad?"
Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo"
 
Wife shouting.... . "Honey magimpake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto"
Husband: "Wow, anong dadalhin ko?"
Wife: "Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na"
 
Pare 1: 'Pare, magkaiba medyas mo, isang pula at isang azul'
Pare 2: 'Ewan ko nga kung saan nabili ng misis ko ito. May isa pa nga akong
pares na ganito rin and kulay sa bahay'

Juan: 'Itay, and classmate ko madamot.
Tatay: 'Bakit naman?'
Juan: 'Di man lang nya ako inimbita sa libing ng tatay nya...Nakakain sana ako
ng kornik....Di ko rin siya iimbitahin sa libing mo itay ha....'
 
Beauty contest.....
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!
 
Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatangaling po ako ng butlig
Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na...
Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po pero bakit naman
butligs pa.....wah wah wah
 
Doc: Ano trabaho mo hija?
Girl: Substitute po
Doc: Hindi kaya prostitute?
Girl: Hindi po, mama ko po ang prostitute at kung may sakit siya ako po yung
substitute.. ..
 
Doc: For your health take only a cup of rice, lean meat and a saucer of
kangkong. Fruits for dessert and lots of juice....
Fat guy: Doc, shall I take them before or after meals? 
 
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: ' Di ko po kilala.
Ikaw, Pepe, sino si Jose Rizal?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala.
Guro: Di niyo kilala si Jose Rizal?!
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section siya!
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