By: isang ordinaryong office worker na ayaw na magbayad ng tax...ever!

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko. Sukang-suka na ko sa mga nangyayari sa bansang 'to!

Walang katapusang corruption, walang kamatayang pangbabatikos, pagbabatuhan ng tae at pagpapa-taasan ng ihi ng mga pulitiko sa bawat isa, walang tigil na imbestigasyon ng kung ano-anong isyu pero wala namang matinong resolusyon, walang puknat na pag-aagawan ng kapangyarihan sa pagitan ng mga partido, patuloy na pagdami ng tamad at tangang Pilipino, patuloy na pakikipaglaban ng ideolohiyang wala namang silbi.

Ang gobyerno ng Pilipinas, talo pa ang septic tank na hinihigop ng Malabanan - saksakan ng dumi at napakabaho. Kaya hindi nakakapagtaka na ang Pilipinas ang isa sa pinakamahirap at corrupt na bansa sa mundo. Kasi lahat sila bulok, lahat sila walang kwenta. Lahat sila sugapa sa kapangyarihan at sa pera. 

ANAK NG TETENG! !$#%Q!&!* @!!!!!

KAHIT KRISTIYANO AKO, HINDI KO MAPIGILANG MAGMURA AT HILINGIN SA DIYOS (MINSAN NGA PATI SA DEMONYO) NA MAMATAY NA SILANG LAHAT AT I-BBQ SILA NG HABANG-BUHAY SA IMPIERNO.

SINONG "SILA"? EH DI MGA CORRUPT NA GOVERNMENT OFFICIALSANDWORKERS, MGA TAMBAY NA PILIPINO NA ANG LALAKI NG KATAWAN PERO HINDI NAMAN NAGTRATRABAHO AT HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX, MGA MAYAYAMAN AT ARISTANG TAX EVADERS, PATI MGA AKTIBISTA, NPA AT IBA PANG IDEOLOGICAL GROUPS NA HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX PERO PANG-GULO!!! MAMATAY NA KAYO!!!

Lagi na lang sinasabi ng mga pulitiko: Ipaglaban ang masa! Tulungan ang masa! Mahalin ang masa!

PUNYETA! MASA LANG BA ANG TAO SA PILIPINAS? SINO BA TALAGA ANG BUMUBUHAY SA PUNYETANG BANSANG TO?

SAAN BA GALING ANG PANGPAGAWA NG MGA TULAY AT KALYE? SAAN BA GALING ANG PORK BARREL? SAAN BA GA LING ANG PERANG KINUKURAKOT NYO? KAMI NA MGA MANGGAGAWA AT MIDDLE CLASS NA BAGO PA MAKUHA ANG SWELDO BAWAS NA - KAMI ANG BUMUBUHAY SA WALANG KWENTANG BANSA NA 'TO!!!!!!!!!

BAKIT YANG BANG MGA MASANG YAN NA LAGI NA LANG SENTRO NG PLATAPORMA NG MGA PULITIKO EH NAGBABAYAD BA NG TAX???!!!!

F**K YOU! KAHIT ISA SA MGA NAG-RA-RALLYING MGA SQUATTER NA YAN, KAHIT SINGKO HINDI NAG-RE-REMIT YAN SA BIR! PERO PINAPAKINGGAN BA KAMI NG GOBYERNO? LAGI NA LANG OPINYON NG MASA ANG INIINTINDI NG GOBYERNO.KUNG SINO ANG NAG-RA-RALLY, SA EDSA, SILA ANG NASUSUNOD.

KUNG SINO ANG MAS MALAKAS SUMIGAW PERO WALA NAMANG ECONOMIC CONTRIBUTION, SILA LAGI ANG FOCUS PAG MAY PROBLEMA. SILA LAGI ANG BIDA.

KAMING MGA ORDINARYONG OFFICE WORKERS, OFW'S, LABORERS AT IBA PANG NAG-TRA-TRABAHO AT NAGBABAYAD NG TAX - KAMI ANG NAGPAPAKAHIRAP PARA BUH AYIN ANG PILIPINAS. KAMI ANG MGA TUNAY NA BAYANI NG BANSA!!!

Tuwing nakikita ko ang payslip ko, nag-iinit ang ulo ko at gusto kong maiyak sa inis. Napakalaki ng tax na binabawas sa akin pero ginagamit lang sa walang kwentang bagay ang perang pinaghirapan ko.

Lahat ng pagtitipid ginagawa ko para suportahan ang sarili ko, pamilya ko at ang punyetang bansang to. Ni hindi ako makabili ng chicken and spaghetti meal sa Jollibee kahit gutom na gutom na ko. Nag-tya-tyaga ako sa waffle na tig-P10, o kaya pag may konting pera, junior bola-bola siopao sa Mini-Stop sa halangang P20.

Eh kung yung pera ko na pinapangbabayad sa tax sa kin na lang napunta, eh di sananakakapanood pa ko ng sine at least 2 beses sa isang buwan. Nakabili na
sanaako ng bagong rubber shoes. Nakapagpagawa na sanaako ng sarili kong bahay.

Yung tax na binabayad ko, karamihan nun derecho sa bulsa ng mga corrupt na
mga government officials at work ers. Habang hirap na hirap akong i-budget
ang pera ko, sila naman nagpapakasarap sa mga mansyon. SUV's at luxury cars
pa ang dina-drive nila, samantalang ako sa pedicab lang sumasakay!

P****** INA! PERA KO YANG PINAPAGPAPASASAAN NYO!!!!!

Yung tax na binabayad ko, pinapangsuporta sa mga mahihirap. Saan ba galing ang pera pangpagawa ng housing at pagtulong sa mga mahihirap, di ba sa mga manggagawa na nagbabayad ng buwis! Pero karamihan ng mahihirap, kung umasta kala mo inaapi sila ng sobra.

SA TOTOO LANG NO, KAYA ANG MGA MAHIHIRAP LALONG NAGHIHIRAP KASI MGA TAMAD!

Ang daming mga tambay sa kalye na walang trabaho pero ang laki ng katawan. Eh kung sila ba nagkargador sa pier eh di sanamay pera sila. TAPOS WALA NA NGANG PERA, ANAK PA NG ANAK! PUNYETA! LALO NYO LANG PINAPADAMI ANG TAMAD AT TANGA SA MUNDO!!!!!

Naaawa ako sa mga batang pakalat-kalat sa kalye at namamalimos. Imbes na nag-aaral, dumadagdag lang sila sa bilang ng mga future criminals sa Pinas. Hindi ako magtataka na yung batang nakita kong namamalimos sa Cubao, pagkatapos ng ilang taon cellphone snatcher na.

YUNG MGA MAGULANG NAMAN DYAN, COMMON SENSE LANG! HIRAP NA HIRAP NA NGA KAYO SA BUHAY, MANGDADAMAY PA KAYO NG IBA?! PAPARAMIHAN NYO PA LAHI NYO!

Palibhasa walang mga trabaho at walang pinagkaka-abalahan, kaya nagkakalabitan at nagsusundutan na lang maghapon, magdamag. Sa totoo lang, nakakabilib. Kasi kahit sa ilalim ng tulay o sa kariton lang, nakakabuo pa rin ng bata! Ibig sabihin, maabilidad ang mga Pinoy. Kung gugustuhin, gagawan ng paraan. Kahit sa makipot, mabaho at maduming lugar - SOLVE!

Isa pang mga grupo ng tao na nakakainis, yung mga aktibista, NPA at kung
ano-ano pang ideological political groups. Sabi nila, mahal na mahal nila
ang Pilipinas kaya pinagpalalaban nila ang kanilang mga adhikain .

PUNYETA! EH HINDI RIN KAYO NAGBABAYAD NG TAX! ANG KAKAPAL RIN NG MGA MUKHA NYO!

MGA IPOKRITO! MAHAL DAW ANG PILIPINAS AYAW NAMAN MAGBAYAD NG BUWIS!

BAKIT MAY BIR COLLECTOR BA SA GITNA NG MENDIOLA AT EDSA?! MAY TAX COLLECTION BA SA BUNDOK?!

WALA DIN NAMAN KAYONG MGA TRABAHO! KUNG MAY TRABAHO TALAGA KAYO, HINDI KAYO MAG-RA-RALLY DAHIL SAYANG ANG SWELDO NYO PAG ABSENT KAYO!

PAANO NYO MAIPAPAKITA ANG PAGMAMAHAL NYO SA PILIPINAS KUNG WALA NA KAYONG GAWANG MATINO KUNDI MAG-RALLY AT MAMUNDOK??!!!

ISA PA YANG MGA MAYAYAMAN AT MGA ARTISTA, NA NANGDADAYA AT HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG BUWIS. ANG KAKAPAL NG MUKHA NYO! ANG DAMI NYO NA NGANG PERA NANGDADAYA PA KAYO SA TAX!!!! HINDI NYO NAMAN MADADALA SA IMPIERNO YANG MGA KAYAMAN NYO. MASUSUNOG LANG DUN YAN.

KAYA LALONG BUMABAGSAK ANG NEGOSYO DITO SA PILIPINAS, KASI MGA NEGOSYANTE MANDARAYA. PATI SHOWBIZ INDUSTRY, BA GSAK NA DIN. KARMA ANG TAWAG DYAN. MGA BALASUBAS KASI.

Sanamagkaron ng POLITICAL AND NATIONAL CLEANSING.

Alisin (mas maganda kung patayin na lang) ang lahat ng pulitiko at political families sa puwesto. Tibagin ang lahat ng mapanirang organizations at grupo. Itapon sa malayong isla o kaya i-pwersa ng hard labor ang mga sobrang tamad na mga Pilipino. Ihiwalay ang mga bata sa kanilang mga tamad at tangang magulang upang makapag-aral sila at maturuan na maging mabuting tao at mamamayan. Magkaron ng bagong lider na walang political ties at utang na loob sa kahit sino. At higit sa lahat, dapat tax payers lang ang pwedeng bumoto!

Kung kinakailangang magka-giyera para magtino ang mga Pilipino, ayos lang.

Masyado na kasing matigas ang ulo ng mga tao dito. Gusto ng kalayaan, pero
hindi naman handang panagutan ang responsibilidad ng pagiging malaya. Meron
daw pinaglalaban na pri nsipyo at adhikain pero takot namang mamatay para dito.

(Sa mga nakaka-alam sa anime na Gundam Wing, yan ang inspirasyon ko sa new
Pinas hehe. I love you Zechs! I love you Treize!)

Hangga't hindi nagkakaron ng radical change, patuloy na walang kwenta ang
Pilipinas at patuloy na magiging tanga ang majority ng mga Pilipino.

Sa dami ng nag-mi-migrate na Pilipino sa ibang bansa, dadating ang panahon na minority na lang ng population sa Pilipinas ang may utak. Yung mga magagaling na Pilipino, malamang maubos na. Sobra na kasi silang na-fru-frustrate at na-de-depress sa mga nakikita nila.

Ilang taon pa at aalis na rin ako sa Pilipinas. Wala kong balak na magkaron ng pamilya sa isang bansa na hindi pinapahalagahan ang kontribusyon ng mga taong tunay na bumubuhay dito. Kawawa naman ang magiging anak ko kung dito sya mabubuhay.

Sa totoo lang, broken hearted ako. Minahal ko din ang bansang ito. Pilit kong pinagtatanggol kahit bulok. Nakarating na ko ng ibang bansa, pero pinili kong bumalik. Pero ngayon, ayoko na. Suko na ko. Sayang lang ako sa bansang to. Simple lang naman ang hiling ko. Gusto ko lang mabuhay ng tahimik at maayos. Gusto ko na kahit paano eh maipagmalaki ang Pilipinas. Pero wala eh. Doomed to be jologs ang bansang to.

Alam ko marami pa ang umaasa at naniniwala sa pagbabago. Good luck and God
bless! Sana tama kayo at mali ako.

Wome are physically than men.  Why ??  bcoz women can carry 2 mountains at a time.  Whilemen can only carry 2 eggs.  Take note with the help of a bird.

Ano ang pagkakaiba kina Sharon, Gringo at Gloria.  Si Sharon - Cuneta, Si Gringo - Kudeta, Si Gloria - "Punyeta.

Dear Tatay- Lalabas na ako sa seminaryo. di na ko makakapigil. Ang daming madre, sexy!
Dear Anak,  Magtiis ka muna. Pag Pari ka na, sa iyo lahat yan.  Love Tatay.

Kano:  Hello! Is this Times Technological Company, Makati?
Lady Operator:  Come gain sir?
Kano:  Is this T.T. Co. Makati?
Lady Operator: Eh, di kamutin mo!

In 1988, Govt doctors distributed condoms to Igorots in the Mt. Province for birth control.. Kahapon lang, sumulat ang isa "Puede na bang alisin, makati na."

Empleayo: Boss, namatay pala manager natin. Pwede po bang ako na lang ang pumalit
                 sa pwesto nya?
Boss:  Pwede naman, ewan ko lang kung papayag ang funeraria. Why do men get out of bed in d middle of the nite? Survey says - 5% to get a glass of water. 12% to go to toilet. 83% to go back home.

Babae:  Langya kang lalaki ka! Ginabi ka na naman! Lasing ka pa! Ang kapal ng mukha
            mo! Hapop ka talaga.
Lalaki:  Tumahimik ka nga. Inday! Katulong ka lang dito.
================================================================ 

CHINESE TO A CHINESE SHOULD NEVER COMMUNICATE
>>
>> IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE..
>> Chinese speaking to a Chinese telephone operator:
>> Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
>> Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
>> Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
>> Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
>> Caller: I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
>> Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this >>urgent matter about?
>> Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an
>> accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right
>> now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
>> Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the   >>accident that is not an urgent matter!  You may find this hilarious but I don't have time>> for this!
>> Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
>> Operator: I am Saw Lee.
>> Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name.

Anak:  Nay, tinutukso ako sa school. Ang laki laki daw ng bunganga ko.
Namay:  huwag mo na lang sila pakinggan at pansinin. Kunin mo na lang ang pala at
             kumain ka na.

Bugtungan
Patpat mong matigas, labas masok sa butas.
Pag iyong idiin, giniling-giling, kiliti and mararating.
Ano ito?............ Cotton buds!  Wag dumi isip ha, bad iyan.

Pulis: Bakit mo inihagis ang bata sa bintana?
Yaya: Sinunod ko lang po ang utos ng amo ko.
Sabi po ng amo ko, 'wala na tayong Pampers, i- Huggies mo na lang si baby.

What is the most impressive example of Tolerance?
Ah! Golden Wedding Anniversary!
Applicants
Two girls nag-aaply ng work - 1 matalino, 1 bobo
Matalino : Buti ka pa natanggap.  Ano ba ginawa mo?
Bobo : Wala.  Nung nag-fill up me ng form, nilagay ko
sa Sex, sure.

Teacher: Write a short story in a few words discussing
Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
Student wrote: "My God! I'm pregnant. I wonder who
the father is?"

Sensitive Child
1st day in school...
Mom to teacher - Very sensitive po ang anak ko.  Kung kailangan nyo po parusahan, sampalin nyo na lang po ang katabi nya. matatakot na 'yan!

Love and Marriage Cycle 1-2 yrs: magkasalo sa plato
3-5 yrs: tig-isang plato
5-7 yrs: nagbabatuhan na ng plato
8-10 yrs: wala na silang plato
That is what we call PLATOnic love!

Three brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China.
They decided to change their names:
Bu became Buck
Chu became Chuck .
Fu decided to go back to China. 

Man : I want to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer : Better think it over.  Wives like that are very hard to find!

Do you know why bra makers measure cup size by "A B C D E F"?
A - almost gone
B - barely noticeable
C - comfortable
D - damn good
E - extremely big and
F - Fake

Learning French
City - ce vou
Drug - sha vou
Good bye - va vou
Bald - cal vou
Caught in the act - navo cou
Feathers - valahi vou
Not clear - mala vou
Cute - a cou
===============================================
Chalk Amo : 'Day, ang chalk na ito para mamatay ang ipis.  Gamitin mo sa pader.
Maid : Opo, ati.
Next day ...... Nagulat ang amo, nakasulat sa pader...
"Epes mamatay kayong lahat!" =======================================================================
Katapusan Lumindol ng malakas noon.... Nagkagulo and lahat at nag-panic.
Sumigaw ang! isang lalake.. "Katapusan na! Katapusan na!"
Sumagot ang isa pang lalake.. "Tanga, a kinse pa lang."   
=============================================================================

Ganito Magbigay ng Masamang Balita
> > KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw....
  > > "Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, 'yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo."
  > > "O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano't napatawag ka? May problema ba?
  > > "Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot."
    > > "'Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? 'Yung nanalo sa bird show?
  > > "Opo, Master Carlos, 'yun na nga po."
    > > "Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong 'yon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"
  > > "E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne...."
  > > "Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?"
  > > "W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."
  > > "Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"
  > > "E, 'yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."
  > > "Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"
  > > "'Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."
  > > "Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman 'yang pinagsasasabi mo?"
   > > "'Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po 'yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab 'yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy...."
  > > "Ano? Puuut.... E, = may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Para saan 'yung kandila?"
    > > "Para sa burol po."
   > > "Ano? Kaninong burol?
  > > "Sa nanay n'yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu'ng isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Binaril ko."
========================================================================

From THE FAR EASTERN ECONOMIC REVIEW)

>THERE'S A SIGN ON Congressional Avenue in Manila that says: "Parking for Costumers Only." This may be a misspelling of "customer." But the Philippine capital is so full of theatrical, brightly dressed individuals that I prefer to think it may actually mean what it says.


>This week, we'll take a reading tour of one of the most spirited communities in Asia. The Philippines is full of wordplay. The local accent, in which F and P are fairly interchangeable, is often used very cleverly, such as at the flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.>
>Much of the wordplay in the Philippines is deliberate, with retailers favouring witty names, often based on Western celebrities and movies.  Reader Elgar Esteban found a bread shop called Anita Bakery, a 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day and Night, a garment shop called Elizabeth Tailoring and a hairdresser called Felix The Cut.
>
Smart travellers can decipher initially baffling signs by simply trying out a Taglish (Tagalog-English) accent, such as that used on a sign at a restaurant in Cebu: "We Hab Sop-Drink In Can An In Batol." A sewing accessories shop called Beads And Pieces also makes use of the local accent.
>
>Of course, there are also many signs with oddly chosen words, but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a tragedy to "correct" them. A reader named Antonio "Tonyboy" Ramon T. Ongsiako (now there's a truly Filipino name) found the following:
>
>In a restaurant in Baguio: "Wanted: Boy Waitress;" on a highway in Pampanga: "We Make Modern Antique Furniture;" on the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan: "We Shoot You While You Wait;" on the glass wall of an eatery in Panay Avenue in Manila: "Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier", A carenderia in Vito Cruz "Putahe ng Ina mo" and a competitor across the street says "Putahe ng Ina mo rin".
>
>Some of the notices one sees are thought-provoking. A shoe store in Pangasinan has a sign saying: "We Sell Imported Robber Shoes." Could these be the sneakiest sort of sneakers? On a house in Jaro, Iloilo, one finds a sign saying: "House For Rent, Fully Furnaced."  Tonyboy commented, "Boy, it must be hot in there."
>
>Occasionally, the signs are quite poignant. Reader Gunilla Edlund saw one at a ferry pier outside Davao, southern Philippines, which said:  "Adults: 1USD; Child: 50 cents; Cadavers: subject to negotiation."
>
>But most are purely witty, and display a love of Americana. Reader Robert Harland spotted a bakery named Bread Pitt, a Makati fast-food place selling maruya (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey, a water-engineering firm called Christopher Plumbi ng, a boutique called The Way We Wear, a video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental, a restaurant in the Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken, a local burger restaurant called Mang Donald's, a doughnut shop called MacDonuts, a shop selling lumpia (meat parcels) in Makati called Wrap and Roll, and two butchers called Meating Place and Meatropolis.>
>Tourists from Europe may be intrigued to discover shops called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia. Both sell a type of Chinese pastry called hopia. What's the story? The names are explained thus: Holland Hopia is the domain of a man named Ho and Poland Hopia is run by a man named Po.
>
>People in the Philippines also redesign English to be more efficient.  "The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words," says reader Rob Goodfellow. He came across a sign that said "House Fersallarend." Why use five words (house for sale or rent) when two will do?
>
>Tonyboy Ongsiako explains why there was so much wit in the Philippines. "We come from a country where you require a sense of humour to survive," he says. "We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors."===================================================================

                      A little humor to get us thru these times...
                               Subject: This will explain it all
 
>Perhaps this will help explain it all. A Washington, DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble! 
>
>1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. 
>
>2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts," Without  >trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts Capetown is in Africa," Her response - click. 
>
>3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!" 
>
>4. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him  why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport,  and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time."
>
>5. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that. 
>
>6. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your  physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs  to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I  checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said  (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the airline was  just putting a destination tag on her luggage. 
>
>7. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be ceaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii ?" 
>
>8. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them." 
>
>9. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , Fl. On a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!" 
>
>10. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have always accepted my American Express!"
> 
>11. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ." I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo,do you?" The reply? "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal".
> 
>Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in!
=======================================================================In a beauty pageant:Host:  what is ur stand regarding pre-marital sex:
Ms Philippines:  "we filipinos don't stand during sex.  We lie down.  Thank you.
====================================================================What girls say after making love:
German:  dat was good.
British: I jope you enjoyed it.
America:  Whats ur name?
Filipina:   Kelan tayo magpapakasal?
====================================================================
3 men went to a bar and watch strip teaser.
Kano, ipit 500 sa panty, Hapon, nainggit, ipit 1000.
Pinoy: siyempre di patatalo kuha ATM card swipe sa hiwa, Withdrae 1500
========================================================================
HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. that's why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
(keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches) 3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle.

"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER. 
6. The tears happen:  
Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourself.
LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health:If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips.  Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that
you love them at every opportunity!
 ====================================
Minsan

  we fall in love in d wrong placw, d wrong time, d wrong person, d wrong reason.  ok na rin. Kesa natatae ka d wrong place, d wrong time.  Wala pa tissue.================================================Small boy wrote to Santa Claus:  Send me a baby brother.
Santa Claus wrote back:  Send me ur mother.   Merry Christmas.==================================================

                                              Acknowledgement