Stress Reliever
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why ?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you ?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat
to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
Wife : "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?
Husband : "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife : "What? At 2 am?"
Husband : "Yes, We used night clubs."
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO
LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card.
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her room mate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up inb his 1932 Rolls Royce".
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Interviewer: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire ?
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
A man was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex ?
He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."
Man to wife on wedding night. "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?"
Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!."
"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body"?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."
Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted!
Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"
Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."
Joke of the Day
A farmer taught his chickers how to speak. Now, they're using fowl language....
"puta putak....titi laok
Sulat ni Nanay
Dear Daughter Dearest,
Medyo mabagal akong magsulat ngayon dahil alam kong mabagal ka ring magbasa.
Nandito na kami sa Estados Unidos para bantayan ang bagong biling bahay ng
kapatid mo. Pero hindi ko maibigay sa iyo ang address dahil dinala ng dating
nakatira ang address para daw hindi na sila magpalit ng address.
Maganda ang lugar na ito at malayo sa Manila. Dalawang beses lang umulan sa
linggong ito, tatlong araw noong una at apat na araw noong pangalawa.
Nakakainis lang ang mga paninda dito katulad nun nabili ko na shampoo dahil
ayaw bumula. Nakasulat kasi "FOR DRY HAIR" kaya hindi ko binabasa ang buhok
ko pag ginagamit ko. Mamaya ay ibabalik ko sa Walmart at magrereklamo ako.
Noong isang araw naman ay hindi ako makapasok sa bahay dahil ayaw bumukas ng
padlock. Nakasulat kasi ay "YALE", eh aba namalat na ako sa kasisigaw ay
hindi pa din bumubukas. Magrereklamo din ako sa nagbenta ng bahay, akala
nila hindi ko alam na SIGAW ang tagalog ng "YALE", wise yata ito!
Mayroon nga pala akong nabili na magandang jacket at tiyak na magugustuhan
mo. Ipinadala ko na sa iyo sa "Federal Express" medyo mahal daw dahil
mabigat ang mga butones kaya ang ginawa ko ay tinanggal ko na lang ang mga
butones at inilagay ko na lang sa bulsa ng jacket. Ikabit mo na lang pag
dating diyan.
Nagpadala rin ako ng tseke para sa mga nasalanta ng bagyo, hindi ko na
pinirmahan dahil gusto ko na maging anonymous donor. Nakakahiya naman kung
ipagkakalat ko pa.
Ang kapatid mo palang si Jhun ay may trabaho na dito, mayroon siyang 500 na
tao sa ilalim niya. Nag-gugupit siya ngayon ng damo sa Memorial Park, okey
naman ang kita above minimum ang sahod.
Nakapanganak na rin pala ang ate baby mo, hindi ko pa alam kung babae o
lalake kaya hindi ko pa masasabi na kung ikaw ay bagong uncle or auntie.
Wala na akong masyadong balita. Sumulat ka na lang ng madalas.
Nagmamahal for life
Mommy Dearest
p.s. Maglalagay sana ako ng pera, kaya lang ay naisara ko na ang envelope.
Next time na lang ha..
Dear Mommy Dearest, Utang na loob naman Inay, bakit naman wala pa ring kupas ang inyong
katangahan? Kaya naman dalawang beses na inaatake sa puso si Itay dahil sa
konsumisyon sa inyo eh.
Tulad ng tinitigan nyo ng isang oras yung karton ng orange juice dahil
nakasulat dun "concentrate", o nung sinabi nyo na puno na yung sinehan dahil
nakasulat sa may pintuan "pull". Dyosko, mabuti na lang at ang
kagandahan ko lang ang namana ko sa inyo.
Para sa iyo, Mommy Dearest (at kailan pa nga pala kayo nagpalit ng pangalan
from "Inay" to "Mommy Dearest"?)
M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
Nagmamahal forever, Manay Letty
Pinoy Jokes
Ano daw ang difference ni Prince Charles At Kulangot! -
Si Prince Charles ay "heir to the throne" while ang Kulangot ay "Thrown to the Air"
Bakit malungkot ang kalendaryo?
- Kasi bilang na ang araw niya.
Eh bakit masuwerte naman ang kalendaryo?
- Dahil marami siyang date.
Grabe talaga ang mga iba diyan.
Mahirap intindihin......
sa kanila ang malambot "SUP",
ang sabaw "SUP",
ang sabon "SUP" pa rin.
How should COFFEE and your BOYFRIEND be alike?
1) He has to be rich
2) He has to be hot
3) He has to keep you up all night!
HUSBAND: Dear pinakita ko ang mga puting buhok ko sa dibdib, approved agad ang
SSS pension ko.
WIFE: Pinakita mo na rin sana ang 'bird' mo para may dagdag disability benefits.
Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Anak : Tays ! kakains nas tayos !
Tatay : Hoy ! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi mo ha...
Ano ba ang ulam ?
Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !
BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng " cooling place " ?
BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo " Hilow, hus cooling place?
A man wanted to buy bra for his wife but doesn't know the size.
Salesgirl ask : " Is it as big as papaya ? "
Man replied : " No "
Salesgirl : " an apple "
Man : " No "
Salesgirl : " ahh..an egg ? "
Man : " YES , but fried ! "
Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh !
Girl 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya ?
Girl 2 : yung misis niya !
A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words
'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight".
So the White guy says "I love liver and cheese."
She says "That's not good enough" The Black man says "I hate liver & cheese"
She says "That's not creative"
Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"
How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it.
If the cat likes it...rat!
If it doesn't...cat!
If it runs...dog!
What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Phils.?
In the US, they go to jail.
In the Philippines, they go to US!
Lulubog na ang barko...
PARI: San Pedro, San Jose...
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
INTSIK: Heh!!! eng lubok na balko! tawak-tawak pa kayo pasahelo!
Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
TOP 10 REASONS WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN US PRESIDENT
10. THE WHITE HOUSE IS NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR
IN-LAWS AND EXTENDED RELATIVES.
9. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH PARKING SPACES AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR 2 HONDA
CIVICS, 2 TOYOTA LAND CRUISERS, 3 TOYOTA COROLLAS, MERCEDES BENZ,
BMW (BIG MEAN WIFE),AND MPV (MY PINOY VAN).
8. DIGNITARIES GENERALLY ARE INTIMIDATED BY EAING WITH FINGERS AT
STATE DINNERS.
7. THERE ARE TOO MANY DINING ROOMS IN THE
WHITE HOUSE - WHERE WILL THEY PUT THE LAST SUPPER PICTURE?
6. THE WHITE HOUSE WALLS IS NOT BIG ENOUGH TO
HOLD A SET OF GIANT WOODEN SPOON AND FORK.
5. SECRET SERVICE STAFF WON'T RESPOND TO "pssst... psssst".
4. SECRET SERVICE STAFF ARE UNCOMFORTABLE DRIVNG THE PRESIDENTIAL
CAR WITH A HOLY ROSARY HANGING ON THE REAR VIEW MIRROR OR HAVING
THE STATUE OF THE Sto. NINO (Baby Jesus) ON THE DASH BOARD,.
3. NO BUDGET ALLOCATION TO PURCHASE KARAOKE MACHINES IN EVERY
HOUSE ROOM.
2. STATE DINNERS DO NOT ALLOW "TAKE HOME".
AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO_AMERICAN US
PRESIDENT IS....
1. AIR FORCE ONE DOES NOT ALLOW OVER WEIGHT BALIK BAYAN BOXES!
=======================================================================
Teacher: lahat tayo nagmula kay Adan at Eva.
Rodel: Ma'm, hindi toto. Sabi ny mama ko nagmula tayo sa unggoy.
Teacher: Iho, hindi natin pinaguusapan angpamilya mo.
=======================================================================
DON'T MESS WITH A FILIPINO...
In a New York sidewalk, a Filipino is enjoying a hearty breakfast “ coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc.
When an American, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts an unwanted conversation..
American: You Filipinos eat the whole bread?
Filipino : Of course!
American: ( Blowing bubbles with his gum) We don't. In the States we only eat what's inside. The crust we collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into croissants and sell them to the Philippines.
American: Do ya eat jam with bread?
Filipino : Of course!
American: (Chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth) We don't. In the States, we eat fruit at breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and leftovers into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to the Philippines .
Filipino : Do you have sex in America ?
American: Of course, we do!
Filipino : What do you do with the condoms? American: We throw them, of course!
Filipino : We don't. In the Philippines , we put them into containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gums and sell it to America .
=============================================================================
GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako!
BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah!
GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae, magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako!
BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung
kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Ifugao: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir.
Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa!
Ifugao: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon, kagatan na ang labanan?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
A lizard fell on a table.
Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae;
Kikay: Eew, lizard!;
Astig: Shit, butiki!;
Mataray: Shucks, butiks!;
Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!;
Mahirap: Pare, ulam!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Bakit "S" ang nasa costume ni Superman? Wala na kasing medium! Napansin mo,
fit masyado, di ba?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Mother superior: Hala, layas dito sa kumbento!
Madre: Bakit po? Dahil po ba sa paggamit ko ng vibrator?
Mother superior: Hindi, ayoko lang may nakikiaalam sa gamit ko!
***** ******* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag
mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo?
Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo!
Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa!
Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Ice cream ba talaga yung inendorse in Pacquiao sa TV ad nya na Nestle Ice Cream?
Akala ko kasi, softdrinks. Kasi, sabi nya, "Oh mga bata, Mirinda na!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
A priest at a church.
Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?
Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam
namin, hindi kinakain!
Juan: Maniwala ako?!
Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Pedro: Asin!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Nurse: Miss, gising na!
Patient: Ah, bakit?
Nurse: Oras na ng pag-inom ng gamot.
Patient: Anong gamot?
Nurse: Sleeping pills.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Boy Guwapo + Girl Ganda = Perfect Couple.
Boy Guwapo + Girl Panget = True Love.
Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Galing Diskarte.
Boy Panget + Girl Panget = SUKOB!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu!
Ama: Aba , magaling! Anong subject yun, anak?
Anak: Pregnancy test po itay!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Erap at Starbucks.
Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga!
Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba?
Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup!
Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Sa prusisyon.
Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose , mga girls, sa karo ni Mama Mary. Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod?
Pari: Mga bruha! Follow me!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Pedro: Ang tapang talaga ni Paeng! Biro mo, tumalon sa eroplano nang walang parachute!
Leo: Ohh, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Pedro: Dun sa burol nya!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Anak: Inay, ang galing ng titser ko.
Inay: Bakit naman?
Anak: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal.
Nanay: Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at magpo at opo?
Anak: Natural! Tanga ka ba?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Use "Bampira" in a sentence! Ahmm, Dodong. Pautang naman, meron ka bampira?!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
TUKMOL: Sino sa inyo ang matapang? Lumabas!
SIGA: Ako, matapang ako, bakit may problema ka?
TUKMOL: Wala po, survey lang ho. Ngayon, yung duwag naman ang lumabas!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Anak: Ma, hingi sana ako ng P50.
Nanay: P40? Ang laki naman ng P30! Anong gagawin mo sa P20? Akala mo
madaling kumita ng P10? O, eto P5.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Boy1: Bakit mo ako sinuntok?
Boy2: Tinawag mo akong hipopotamus!
Boy1: Last year pa yon! Tarantado!
Boy2: Eh kanina ko lang nakita picture ng hippopotamus, bobo!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
May kwento ako tungkol sa lovelife ng ampalaya. Huwag na lang! Masyadong mapait!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Hindi makapagtimpla ng juice si Inday. Tahimik lang syang nakatitig sa bote ng juice. Dahil nakasulat: Concentrate.
=============================================================
Medical Terminology
ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT'S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE GENERAL HOSPITAL (PGH):
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began Seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. The patient refused autopsy.
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
9. She is numb from her toes down.
10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
11. The skin was moist and dry.
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stockbroker instead.
18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
********
Sa PGH, may tinatawag na Central Block. Nandoon ang Radiology Department kung saan ginagawa ang mga X-rays, Ultrasound, CT Scan at Radiotherapy. Dito ko naobserbahan ang evolution ng mga pinoy medical terms. May mga pasyente o bantay na aking nasasalubong, ang madalas magtanong ng direksyon. Mga Versions ng CT Scan:
1. "Dok saan po ba ang Siete Scan?"
2. "Doc saan po ba magpapa-CT Skull"
3. "Doc saan po ba CT Scalp"
4. "Doc saan po ang CT Scam?"
**********
Madalas akong mapagtanungan ng direction papunta sa Cobalt Room.
"Doc saan po ba ang Cobal" Yes, laging walang T. Marami ang gumagamit sa term na Cobal. Saan napunta ang "T". Marami din kasing nagtatanong, "Doc, saan po ba ang papuntang X-Tray?"
Conclusion: Ang "T" ng Cobalt, ay napunta sa X-Tray.
*********
7:00 am. Nagbigay ang kasamahan kong doktor ng Instruction sa bantay ng pasyente, "Mister, punta po kayo sa Central Block at magpa-schedule kayo ng X-ray ng pasyente ninyo." 3:00 pm. Kadarating lang ng bantay. Nagalit na ang Doktor, "Mister, bakit namang napakatagal ninyong bumalik? Pina-schedule ko lang naman ang X-ray ah." Sumagot ang bantay, "Eh kasi po Doc, ang tagal kong naghintay sa gate, haggang sabihin ng guwardiya na sarado daw po ang Central Bank kasi Sabado ngayon." (Nasa Roxas Blvd ang Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, at sarado nga naman yon kapag Sabado)!
***********
Nang mag-rotate ako as intern sa Pediatrics ng PGH, mahal na mahal talaga ng mga nanay ang kanilang mga anak na may sakit. Pilit nilang tinatandaan ang mga gamot at tawag sa sakit ng kanilang anak.
Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ang mga gamot na iniinom ng anak niyo?"
Mrs 1 : "Doc phenobarbiedoll po."
Doktor: "Ah baka po phenobarbital. " (Gamot sa convulsion ang phenobarbital)
**********
Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ba ang antibiotic na iniinom ng anak ninyo?"
Mrs 2: "Doc metromanilazole po."
Doktor: "Ah baka po metronidazole. " (Gamot sa amoeba ang metronidazole)
*************
Ang tawag sa recovery room ng PGH ay PACU (Post-Anesthesia Care Unit)
Doktor: "Mrs., tapos na po ang operasyong ng anak ninyo, punta na Po kayo sa PACU.
Mrs 3: "Eh Doc, saan po sa Paco? Sa may simbahan po ba o sa may palengke?
***********
Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ba ang sinabi ng dating doktor kung ano daw ang sakit ng inyong anak?"
Mrs 4: "Eh Doc sabi po niya Tragedy of Fallot.
Doktor: "Ah baka po Tetralogy of Fallot (Isang Congenital Heart Disease ang Tetralogy of Fallot)
************
Biglang nagtatarang ang isang nanay at sumigaw.
Mrs: "Scissors! Scissors! Nag-sciscissors ang anak ko, Doc!"
Doktor: "Nurse, diazepam please, nag-seizure ang pasyente!"
*************
Doktor: "Mrs. ano daw po ba ang sakit ng anak ninyo?"
Mrs. 6 : May ketong daw po.
In-examine ng doktor ang balat ng pasyente. Wala siyang makitang senyales ng ketong. Tumawag pa siya ng isang Dermatologist para mag-examine nang husto. Wala talaga.
Doktor: "Mrs. sigurado po ba kayong ketong ang Sakit ng bata?"
Mrs : "Eh iyon po ang sabi ng doktor niya dati. Mataas daw po ang ketong sa ihi dahil may diabetes."
Doktor: "Ah ketone po yon! (Ang positive ketone sa Ihi ay senyales ng kumplikasyon ng diabetes.)
**************
Doktor: (Sa buntis na mrs. na nagle-labor) "Mrs.pumutok na po ba ang panubigan mo?"
Mrs:"Eh Doc, wala naman po akong narinig na pagsabog." (Hanep!)
========================================================
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing
to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss
called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was
the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten
a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand
new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and
went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell
me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore,
whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to
West Virginia together! Have a great life!
R E P L Y L E T T E R
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much
because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too
bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came
to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not
to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked
my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from
you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag
was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning ... And your silk
boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten
million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed
Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S.
I don't know if I ever told you this, but Carla, my sister, was born Carlo.
I hope that's not a problem.
Bye!
=============================================================================
Subject: SMILE NAMAN KAYO DIYAN
|
Joke time
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
Bobo: Anest
Policeman arresting a prostitute
Prosti: I am not selling sex
Police: Then what are you doing?
Prosti: I'm a saleswoman selling condoms with free demo.
Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin, chicharon, mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).
Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka. P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang ba nyan?
Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.
Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita na utak ko
Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.
A naked girl rode on a taxi
'Bakit' asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya
'Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?'
Driver: 'Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo'
Beauty contest
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!
Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatanggalan po ako ng butlig
Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na...
Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po??.pero bakit naman butligs pa.....
Doc: For your health take only a cup of rice, lean meat and a saucer of kangkong.
Fruits for dessert and lots of juice....
Fat guy: Doc, shall I take them before or after meals?
Kodigo
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano 'to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!
SIOPAO
Kulas: Miss, i sa ngang siopao... 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao?
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki?
Waitress:Kasi po, may itlog sa loob.
A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, 'What are NITRATES?
The student replied shyly, 'Ma'am, sa motel po.
NITRATES are higher than day rates!'
WHO'S GUILTY?
Wife dreaming in the middle of the night
suddenly shouts, 'Quick, my husband is back!'
Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, 'Damn! I AM the
husband!'
Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! 'Yan din ang pangarap niya!
Lito: Pare, ano ba ang kaibahan ng H2O sa CO2?
Joseph: Diyos ko naman! Di mo ba alam 'yun?!
Ang H2O ay water!At
ang CO2... cold water.
Usapan ng dalawang bata...
Junjun: Magaling ang tatay ko! Alam mo, 'yang
Pacific Ocean , siya ang humukay nun!
Pedrito: Wala 'yan sa tatay ko! Alam mo, yung Dead Sea ?
Junjun: Oo...
Pedrito: Siya ang pumatay nun!
Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
Sir: What are my choices?
Stewardess: Yes or No.
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